Sunday, October 16, 2011

You Can Tell By His Shoes...

I am 5 minutes late for my blind date.  Some last minute primping, lip gloss, earrings check, I am finally good to go.  A chinese food place I drive past every will be dinner for the night...and, well, hopefully fun, free and tasty.

I drive around the building, and give a smile and wave to my waiting date.  He's tall, dark and handsome.  He looks interested, which makes me smirk with delight.  I park around the corner and make my entrance.  Hair long and swaying in the wind, I feel like a model standing in front of a fan, ready for the glam shot...until...screeching halt.

What.  Is.  This!?  Hi-Techs.  Oh shit.

This is bad.  This is really bad.  Do I escape now?  I am already here.


Maybe he will be a nice guy.  We can just be friends...because I cannot date a guy with those shoes.


When I was dating, I would rate a guy two ways--by his rhythm and his shoes.  Ask any of my life long friends and they will tell you, we had it down to a science.  My girlfriends and I would go dancing almost every weekend.  We did it to survive college.  It would provide the much needed stress relief, distraction from the monotony of studying, and the laughs to carry us to the next Friday night adventure.  With all that experience, a girl could perfect her assessment of a guy, and that's just what I did....or what I told myself.

Let me give you a few examples:

The Swinger
This guy will know how to dance...likely have slacks with a collared shirt and sleeves rolled up.  He will sweat a lot, but it will be worth it.  He will lead, you will spin and twirl and feel like a girl.  He will buy you drinks--martinis, and he will be the perfect gentleman.  His attraction to you will be slightly more than you have for him, but you will have a blast, which will leave you wondering if there could be more.

The My So Called Life, Jordan Catalano
This guy is probably short--he's wearing a heel!  He will have baggy jeans, college or rock t-shirt.  He may know how to dance, but probably the same dance style over and over again, with little to no variation in his movements.  He will want to present himself better than he really is but he will be a hard worker, diligent, and maybe if you are lucky, thoughtful.  He will likely offer to buy you a beer or a shot, and he might even have I know how to run my fingers through my hair just right along with the seductive head nod...enough to leave you wondering about his real personality.

The I Got In With The Fake ID Guy
This guy is a kid or worse, still wants to be one.  He is probably best at hip hop or breaker styles, but will have rhythm through all dance forms.  He isn't old enough to buy anything,  so go buy your own drink here.  He will be sweet, but out of his league.  His buddies will all talk about it the rest of the night, either to make fun of him or because they are jealous.  He will wear a t-shirt, his pants will sag and show off his underwear of choice, and he will use all the correct and current lingo.  You might find him attractive, but in that, I'm old enough to be your mom way.  Insert gag here.  

The Slacker

 This guy is the ultimate free loader.  The surfer.  The snowboarder.  The beach guy.  He is laid back and will do or say anything.  He is very low key, but knows how to have fun.  Unfortunately, he will likely have no sense of rhythm, waving his hands in the air to every song, and in the moments he really gets into it, he will bite his lip.  He will want to get you drunk, but expect you to pay.  He will drool on you, slop his beer on you, and although you might find him attractive, you realize it will never be worth the hangover, ever.  And, when you look down at his feet, to avoid having to see more obnoxious dance moves, you notice he has nasty toe nails.  Ugh.  Major, major buzz kill.  Walk away now.

Mister Hi-Techs
And then, here we are, back at the Hi-Techs.  This guy doesn't care much about fashion.  He will be ready for an adventure, spontaneous, smart and willing to get a little dirty.  He will be strong, and quiet.  He won't really know how to dance, but he will be willing to try just about anything.  This guy likes to be comfortable, and he starts with his shoes, a level of practicality and logic, clarity and focus.  This guy makes sense.  Just not to the fashion or dance world.


So, what happened on the date, you wonder?  Did my I'm so perfect at determining the personality of a guy by his shoes philosophy work?

It was like our soul's were old friends.  Conversation was easy, fun, and without pretenses.  We shared  stories.  Sad stories.  Funny stories.  Laughed.  The food was terrible, but the time with Mister Hi-Techs made it all worth it.  I couldn't have been more surprised.  And you would have never guessed...

I married Mister Hi-Techs.  

The comfort, practicality, and logic has taken me to beautiful and exciting places, places I would have never expected.  I am grateful for him every day.  The Hi-Techs "got lost" when we moved in together shortly after our engagement, but a part of me wishes I would have saved them.  It wasn't the type of shoe I was looking for, but definitely the man of my dreams.  

I guess you can look at this silly, but sometimes true, shoe assessment of a man and know it might give you some sense of security about dating, and it might also be total shit.  If I had met Mister Hi-Techs out dancing, I would have never given him the time of day, simply based on his shoes, and that seems absolutely absurd to me now.  Well...not so absurd that it isn't a requirement that we always go shoe shopping together...those things are not coming back...we all need some fashion sense!

I guess, to make my point, we all sell ourselves short sometimes...creating stories we think will protect ourselves from getting hurt...but it also prevents us from living life...I'm just so grateful I didn't miss Mister Hi-Techs...

A special thanks to my dancing friends, without you, I wouldn't have a crazy post to write...those adventures were the best.  :)


  1. I love the My So Called Life reference! Oh, I did see plenty of those guys back in my day...

  2. :) I know Sarah, I, how did I drool...watched the season on Hulu again bizarre watching as an adult. Oh to be Claire Danes...
    Thanks for reading. :)

  3. Great story. Beautifully told. I look forward to reading more...

  4. Thanks Lenora...appreciate it! :)