Thursday, February 16, 2012

Writing Through Rejection

I have unsubscribed.  

The words a personal development blogger doesn't really want to hear.  The shock of it.  A good friend.  Doesn't want to follow me anymore.  Doesn't want to share this journey, not in this way. It was too negative.  A moment of vulnerability, expressed the best way I knew how, too negative.  

Rejection--press of a button...  

Rejection doesn't feel very good.  I began to question the validity of my experience, my purpose for writing, for sharing my story.  And then I remembered this articulate and powerful passage from Brene Brown:

"Our stories are not meant for everyone.  Hearing them is a privilege, and we should always ask ourselves this before we share:  "Who has earned the right to hear my story?"  If we have one or two people in our lives who can sit with us and hold space for our shame stories...a small group of friends, or family who embraces our imperfections, vulnerabilities and power, and fills us with a sense of belonging, we are incredibly lucky.  We don't need love and belonging and story-catching from everyone in our lives.  If we have that one person or that small group of confidants, the best way to acknowledge these connections is to acknowledge our worthiness.  If we're working toward relationships based in love, belonging, and story, we have to start in the same place:  I am worthy."

The easiest place to go when we feel the sting of rejection is to examine our self worth.  It feels as though we  are flawed, that we do not belong, that we aren't good enough, that we were wrong in our experience of the truth.

I have come to terms with all of this over the last month.  Hesitant.  Unsure.  Doubting my self worth, my ability to build connections.  To write.           

I reread my blog posts.  I questioned my need to be a blogger.  What is my experience?  Where am I placing my self worth?

Taking the time to navigate these emotions, to clarify what I want my experience to be, what I choose to share with each of you, I have come to the following conclusions:  
  • I very much enjoy sharing with each of you, and I am so honored to have you all as followers.  There is a vulnerability that you hold when you read my story, and I am so grateful that you have cherished it so thoughtfully.  
  • My story is powerful, wonderful, heartfelt.  It comes with joy and anger, love and fear, positive and negative.           
  • When I started writing 6 months ago, I wrote for validation.  Publishing these words gave my story truth, a truth I could not, at the time, give.  As I continue to embrace the moment, to stand tall in my self worth, to have compassion for imperfection, I am gaining power to validate my own experience. 
It is wonderful to be moving through my writing again.  I have missed it.  A benefit, I suppose, is that I gained much needed clarity about my intentions and my purpose here.  I could reclaim this space with much deeper personal strength.  

How have you re-framed the sting of rejection?  How did you find your place of power and reclaim your truth?  

As we grow into different people, the story evolves.  I hope that each of you continue following my insights, and share this moment.  I am still here, writing my story, rebuilding my identity, opening my heart.  I have some creative therapy to return to...I hope you will be reading.